


Before We Go

by RebelSugarcube



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angry Bucky Barnes, Angry Steve Rogers, Angst and Feels, Avengers Endgame, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Feels, Bucky sweetie I'm so sorry, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, I'm still crying over this movie, Just trying my best to give my boys the moment they deserved, M/M, Selfish, Spoilers, Steve Rogers Angst, Steve Rogers is a little jerk, Steve is kinda stupid but Bucky is stupid too and that's okay cause they love each other, Steve sweetie I'm so sorry, also I wrote what Bucky thought about Tony, america's ass, angst again, don't read if you have not seen the movie duh, good things only I promise, omg this has so much angts guys I'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 17:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18628012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelSugarcube/pseuds/RebelSugarcube
Summary: "I missed you" Steve said as he returned the hug."I missed you too, Stevie" Bucky answered holding him tighter. And they remained like that for a few seconds, until Bucky remembered why he had come here in first place. "And that's why I'm here to try to convince you not to do it""What?" Steve asked, clearly confused.Bucky was the first to let go, he had to look him in the eyes, to be able to tell him everything, but he had to be brave enough. He knew words failed in that moment, but it was better to try and fail than to remain silent and let things pass by..........................................................................................................................................................................................Or the one where Bucky knew Steve was planning to go back to the past and tried to convince him to stay in the present instead.





	Before We Go

**Author's Note:**

> I read a theory that said Bucky already knew what Steve was going to do at the end of the movie and that is why he was so calmed, so okay with that. So here's my attempt giving them a moment before Steve gets all the infinity stones back in time and him explaining what he's trying to do and why. It's simple and it's something the movie could not do *sighs* well let's get started.
> 
> NOTE: I'm not changing the ending, I'm not making Steve stay instead of going back and having the life he wanted, I'm just trying to explain the reasons he had to do it and how Bucky was the first one to know all this.

_**Proof that Tony Stark has a heart** _

 

That was written in the arc reactor, before it was placed in the water and it floated away everyone had the chance to read it, one last time. Bucky read it and the phrase was now stuck in his head; he started ruminating, thinking about everything that had happened merely hours ago.

The thing about Stark, _'he was not a perfect man'_ Bucky thought, _'but the things he did... truly a genius'_. Respect, admiration, those were the things he felt in that moment, as well as a deep sadness, the truth is he didn't know Stark at all, not like the rest of these people did; but he witnessed what happened, everyone did, no need to know someone that well to know that he was selfless, that the sacrifice he made was worth it and everyone owed him this; not even a million "thank yous" would be enough to replace what they lost.

And they lost. 

Sure thing everyone was back, Thanos was defeated once and for all, but everything it took to achieve that? The price was too high, the lost was too much. They won, but it did not feel right at all. 

Bucky looked around, everyone was on their own now; he could see Clint and Wanda talking, king T'Challa and his family were talking too, when he turned around he could spot Stark's daughter, Morgan, sitting next to Happy. Even after everything he had lived, all the atrocities he had witnessed, Bucky thought that scene was incredibly heartbreaking, sure Morgan was still small, but she deserved to have a full life with her dad. Life had been unfair to everyone there, from the smallest person in the room to the oldest.

Oldest, which reminded him-

"Hey man, are you even listening to me?" Sam's voice brought him back to reality. 

"No, I'm sorry I wasn't" Bucky answered with honesty. There was still something bothering him, something else that did not feel right, but he still was trying to figure out what was it.

Sam sighed "Come on, Banner said he needed some help" he friendly patted Bucky in the shoulder, soon they were both looking for Banner, it was not hard to find him.

"Oh there you are, everything is almost ready to go back in time" Banner said. Both Bucky and Sam were still having a hard time getting used to his new form. Time changes people but this was on a whole new level, in five years Banner had been able to live as himself and the Hulk. Bucky admired Bruce too, the man had gone through some serious shit but he was still here, giving his best and trying to help everyone. No wonder why he and Tony got along so well.

"I still don't get how this time travel stuff works" Sam confessed. "Seems like all those movies about time traveling didn't help at all" 

Bruce chuckled, he checked the computer again getting everything ready for the journey. "Sam could you pass me that?" Bruce kindly asked while pointing to a suitcase, Sam did as he told him. "Pym particles, one journey to go and one to return" he explained to Sam, who was now on the other side of the computer with him.

"We're ready to start?" Sam asked. None of them could believe that time traveling was possible, and it would be the first time for Bucky and Sam to witness how everything worked. Sure Banner had already explained the science behind it all but getting to see it, that was completely different.

"Um yeah, we're just missing our time traveler." Bruce said while looking at Bucky.

Sam raised one of his eyebrows. "He said he would be here soon, he left before us, I thought he might be here already 

Then it clicked. The thing that didn't feel right at all. The feeling of dread Bucky had moments ago.

"I'll get him.  I will check that he's ready." Bucky said without hesitation and started walking away, at a slow pace at first but he soon started running; hoping he could stop him, hoping he could try to talk with him. 

 _'Steve Rogers will always be Steve Rogers'_ his subconscious shouted, the tiny voice of reason inside his head; he was glad to have control of his mind again but his conscience could kill him too. _'He won't change his mind, no matter what you say or do'_ his inner voice said; sometimes Bucky wished that voice would fade away and leave his mind in blank again.

The ugly truth was that the voice was right, he could move heaven and hell but the chances of changing Steve's mind were minimum. At least he could try, he had one shot and it could be successful.

Bucky went inside of the house, he soon found a room in the second floor with the door open. Not a sound came out from that room, only a dim light that illuminated the hallway. He knew Steve was there.

Bucky leaned in the door frame, Steve had still not noticed his presence; Bucky carefully studied him, he was not wearing the Cap suit yet, Steve was just sitting there, still wearing the funeral suit. Bucky kept watching, he soon figured out Steve was holding some sort of locket 

The locket had a picture of Peggy Carter inside.

That was all Bucky needed to confirm what he was fearing moments ago. Five years had passed, from everything Bucky heard Steve was the one who kept telling everyone to move on.

 _'then why the hell are you still stuck in the past? '_ Bucky thought to himself, he looked at Steve with a kind gaze. Everything they had gone through, the things they had done, what they had lost, everything leading to an end sooner or later.

It was now or never, this was Bucky's chance to talk to him and try to convince him. 

Bucky cleared his throat, Steve turned around and looked at him with a gentle smile.

"You know most people knock the door instead of staying near the frame staring in silence. What would have happened if you had found me naked?"

Oh, so Steve noticed the moment he arrived.

"Yeah but the door was open, I take that as an invitation" Bucky replied. "Plus I already know your ass so tell me something I don't know" Steve laughed, he started to get up from his seat and once he was standing Bucky ran towards him and received him in a big hug.

"I missed you" Steve said as he returned the hug.

"I missed you too, Stevie" Bucky answered holding him tighter. And they remained like that for a few seconds, until Bucky remembered why he had come here in first place. "And that's why I'm here to try to convince you not to do it" 

"What?" Steve asked, clearly confused.

Bucky was the first to let go, he had to look him in the eyes, to be able to tell him everything, but he had to be brave enough. He knew words failed in that moment, but it was better to try and fail than to remain silent and let things pass by.

"Steve" Bucky took a deep breath, still thinking how to start the conversation. "we're not fools, I know what you'll do, you know what you'll do and I'm just here to ask you to think about it again."

Steve shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't understand? I'm just here to change into the suit, then get the stones back to where they belong and that's-"

"Steve" Bucky interrupted him, the way he said Steve's name this time was more serious. "cut the crap" Bucky said as he touched the bridge of his nose, he had to be direct with him but did Steve think he was an idiot? "I know your plan, I know what you're going to do. You offering as a volunteer to get the stones back in time cause you're the only one who knows how the traveling stuff works? Please. " Bucky almost laughed at how fake that sounded when Steve said he would get the stones back to their original time.

Steve stared at Bucky, he was now pretending to be confused. "Buck, what the hell are you talking about? I'll just follow the plan and you're mad about it? I really don't get what you're talking about"

"I'm talking about you using time to stay in the past" Bucky said directly, he didn't hesitate, he didn't think about it, he simply did it. He lost it, he stared at Steve's blue eyes and remained in silence, both men stared at each other for a moment not knowing what to say.

Steve was the first to break the eye contact, Bucky was grateful for that, if he kept looking at Steve he was sure he would start crying. Crying out of sadness or anger, he doesn't know it but he would have done it.

Steve closed the door and locked it, the blonde took a deep breath before he started talking. "Who else knows it?" He went straight to the point, Bucky was no fool, no need to play around and try to ignore what he just said. 

"No one else. I figured everything out since the moment Banner started talking about getting the stones back, then watching you-" Bucky stopped, looking for words "in the funeral, and getting here to find you lost in thoughts just confirmed everything"

"Bucky, listen-"

"No, you listen to me first, Rogers. Then I'll ask you one single question and I'll leave you alone. Just-" he took Steve's hand and they both sat down, if they were going to discuss this they would do it in the right way. "listen, please."

Steve nodded. "Okay, Buck." Bucky was angry, but Steve's voice was soothing, it was calming; if he was angry too he did not show it. "I'll listen."

Bucky closed his eyes and sighed, he was never good with words but right now words were the only weapon he had; no gun, no knives, not things he could use at battle where he was skillfull. Mere words.

"Steve" Bucky started, for the last few moments it seemed like that was the only word he knew, in fact, Steve's name was the only one he would never forget, not even 70 years of brainwashing were able to erase that name from his memory. "what you're trying to do it's -" crazy? selfish? stupid? "unbelievable." Bucky said at the end. "After everything that happened, after everything you have seen and all the sacrifices that were done, by you, by your friends and the others. Everything was done so we could finally find peace and you're planning to throw everything away."

Bucky made emphasis on each 'you' because it has always been about Steve and he was glad it was. He knows the man deserves happiness more than anyone in the world, and Bucky would do anything in his power to see Steve happy.

"Pal, you deserve your happy ending" Steve smiled after hearing that phrase. "But the way you're trying to achieve that happiness? It's not the right way." and with that Steve's smile faded. 

Bucky didn't mumble, didn't stutter, he was planning to say everything. "Going back? I mean-" Bucky threw his head back, he had to do this he had to tell him, this was no time for him to start getting emotional. "why would you do such a thing? We had our lives, we had our moments, many of them fucked up but we had them. Now you're part of something bigger, something that will outlive us, but we're here now and we have the chance to make everything worth it."

At first Bucky thought he would use 'you' instead of 'we', but he wanted Steve to feel that this involves everyone, that he's not alone and he still has the opportunity to change.

"So my question is" Bucky took both of Steve's hands in his own and looked at him. "why? Why are you doing this?" Bucky finally asked, his voice almost breaking in the process, he really had to keep his shit together to show Steve how determined he was to put an end to all of this.

Steve smiled and squeezed Bucky's hands, seeing him this worried and hearing everything he said almost made him change his mind... almost.

"I'll reply to your question with another: and why not?" Steve said coldly. He left Bucky where they were sitting and walked towards the door. "Buck, I really have no time for this, Banner is still waiting for me and you're-"

Before Steve could open the door and leave, Bucky reached for the doorknob and crushed it with his metal arm. There was no way they would get out without talking about this first.

Bucky shook his head, he could not believe Steve could be so stubborn, he was not planning to quit until Steve told him his real motives to go back.

"You still have not answered." Bucky said in a monotonous tone.

Okay so they were doing this.

"Let's review" Bucky said, he clasped his hands together. Steve looked at him, both arms crossed. "You'll get the stones back and then you'll stay. Maybe that will change everything in time maybe it won't, I really don't know how time works. This is risky, it's dangerous, it's-"

"I know" now Steve was the one talking. "Don't you think I already know this? How much I've been thinking about this all? I've considered the risks, the time, the choices I have and I'm willing to try." Steve walked towards Bucky, he placed his hand in one of his shoulders. "But Bucky, after everything we've done, don't you think it's fair for everyone to find inner peace? To get a little bit of happiness."

"But you can find happiness here too!" Bucky tried to control his voice but he was getting impatient. "Think about what everyone did, what they lost too; all their sacrifices so we could have this." Bucky kept talking but Steve seemed not to be listening to a word he said. " And think about the ones left, the ones who are here, you have the chance to go back, but you also have the chance to stay here. "

Steve turned around, Bucky could only stare at his back now.

"Aren't we enough? Sam, Banner, Barton... me" Even though Steve was not looking at him but Bucky knew he was listening. "Don't you want a life here too?"

Silence. That's all the answer Bucky got from Steve.

"Think about Romanoff, think about... Stark" Bucky didn't want to mention them but he was running out of time and choices. "They're gone so you could be here today. Make their sacrifices worth it, don't throw everything away, they would like to see you moving on."

Finally Steve turned around, a blank expression in his face. "But they're not here, are they Buck?" Steve's voice was slow, cold.

"You come here judging me, thinking you know what's right for me?" Steve shook his head. "Tony was the first one who told me to find stability, years ago; Nat told me to get a life and that's what I'm planning to do. If they were both here I'm damn sure they would support this decision too. You're my best friend, I thought you would understand too... but I was wrong. "

And that phrase was enough for Bucky to lose it.

"Understand? Tell me what the hell am I supposed to understand, all I get is you're being selfish and that no matter what I say nothing will make you change your mind." Bucky said, he was now screaming at Steve

"Exactly! " Steve replied immediately, he was screaming too. "So I will kindly ask you to stop wasting your time, get out and wait for me outside, because what you're doing right now is pointless and pathetic."

 _'ouch'_ Bucky thought to himself; there was no strength left in him, no more will to keep arguing so he slowly started walking towards the door. A single tear escaped his eyes, he quickly wiped it, he didn't want Steve to know how much those last words had hurted.

"Buck, wait" Steve grabbed his arm, he knew he had crossed the line with the things he said, Bucky was hurt, he noticed the tear that had escaped and that he was holding back more tears.

"Stay." Bucky begged and hugged Steve again. "Please." Bucky was now crying in Steve's shoulder, no longer trying to hold everything back.

"Hey." Steve's heart was breaking at this point too. "You know I'll be okay" Steve hugged him tighter, soon they were both sitting in the floor, still hugging. Steve whispering soft things to Bucky to calm him, once he was calmed again Steve starting talking.

"Remember how you said you were going to ask me a single question? Well now I'll ask you one, two questions actually" Steve stared at Bucky, his blue eyes were clearer than ever thanks to the tears that were shed moments ago. "If you had the chance to go back to the time where you were happy, would you do it?"

Bucky deeply thought about it, if they switched sides and he had the job to get the stones back and live happy, would he do it?

He would, he wouldn't think twice. Back to the time where everything was simpler, where he worried only about paying rent and other stuff, where it was only him and Steve against the world, where the suffering he lived as the winter soldier never existed.

"And let me ask you this:" Steve said breaking the silence "If you had the chance to go back to make sure I can be happy, would you do it?"

The goddamn truth is he would do it, he wouldn't hesitate, he would do anything to see Steve happy.

But if that's true then why is Bucky trying to stop him from finding that happiness? Everything made sense now, Bucky couldn't stop Steve from making this decision because he wanted this too. He would go through hell and back to see his Stevie happy.

Bucky gave Steve a warm smile, which Steve took as the answer to both of the questions he asked. Steve smiled back. They both closed their eyes and got close to each other, both of their foreheads together now. It was a moment of silence, the moment of peace after the storm.

"We both said til the end of the line, remember?" Steve said.

"I know"

"If this is where I want my line to end, then I want you to be with me."

"I will." Bucky nodded, then smiled. "Follow your heart, it has always been good like you." Bucky left the spot in the floor where they were sitting. "Now get up, there are people waiting for you." he said offering a hand to Steve and helping him to get up.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

Bucky watched as Steve talked with Banner, how he talked with Sam and how this one insisted to help him with the stones. Banner gave some last instructions, Sam kept watching. Soon Steve started walking towards Bucky.

"Don't do anything stupid until I get back." Steve said, just like Bucky had said all those years ago.

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you." Bucky replied, oh how the tables have turned.

And with that they shared one last hug, bittersweet compared to the ones they had before. It was not a goodbye, but it felt like it.

"I'll miss you, buddy" that was all Bucky could say without breaking into pieces again. He knew Steve's plan, and after the fight they had he was able to understand. Because this was about Steve being happy, not selfish. In fact the only selfish person was Bucky, he tried to stop Steve from being his true self just because he wanted him to stay here with everyone, to stay with him and start something new.

Bucky watched as Steve disappeared, heard as Banner finished the countdown and how Sam worried when he wasn't back.

 _'If you love something let it go'_ Bucky thought to himself, he always considered that phrase stupid, but it was the only thing he could think about in that moment.

Bucky turned around and gasped, there by the lake he could spot the lonely figure of a man; sitting there, staring. And with that he knew everything had worked out. He knew Steve had found what he wanted.

And that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to those in twitter who told me to write this story, I was not sure at the beginning but after thinking about it I did it. You guys can follow me, I'm @binarybucky
> 
> Also I was listening to "That Would be Enough" while writting this cause I thought the phrase 'let this moment be the first chapter where you decide to stay' was really good for the moment,,, but at the end we know Steve did what he wanted.
> 
> Also the phrases "Steve Rogers will always be Steve Rogers" and "Follow your heart" are actual things Sebastian said during the Endgame premiere, gosh I love this man.


End file.
